This is a mild rant, so my apologies in advance. I am excluding the relationships of the lucky people to whom this doesn’t apply.

Say you walk into a new relationship, still reeling from a bad breakup a couple months ago – or even years. You’re cautious and want to take things slow. First you’re “seeing each other,” then maybe you’re “dating”. Then, if you really like each other, you’re “exclusive”. And if you’re daring enough to admit to strong feelings, you may find yourself with the title of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” – and that could be after months together exclusively… and if you ask why the relationship feels so muddy and uncertain, more than likely, at least one party will put it down to a fear of commitment.

I’ve decided there are three common things a “fear of commitment” could mean in 2019:

1. A desire to explore sexual freedom without the guilt of betrayal and infidelity
2. A lack of genuine interest or apathy towards where sexual attraction could lead emotionally
3. A fear of being vulnerable and hurt

What happened to the days of like someone, dating and going steady? I’m not saying that I want to be swept off my feet, nor could I expect to run into relationships with caution in the wind and my heart on my sleeve… but… I marvel at the idea of a relationship where a fear of commitment is discussed for what it is – vulnerability and fear of a broken heart; not wanting anything more than sex; or wanting to explore other attractions at a moment’s notice… Imagine having the emotional maturity to deal with relationships like that.

I have no cure for the commitment epidemic, but a collective compromise would suffice in the meantime. It’s a bit like that scene in The Notebook where Noah asks Allie what she wants… Let’s ask each other what it is we truly want upfront – without beating around the commitment bush and hurting each other anyway… easier said than done, sure. But it would be a lot easier than wading through relationships uncertain, confused and terrified of questions we should be able to ask and comfortable to answer (i.e. the common, “what are we?” scare that sends men and women running for the hills).

I know I’m guilty of using commitment issues too, but it’s a year end resolution not to let them stop me from having deeper relationships or carefree ones.

So please… tell me what you really mean by “commitment issues”.